![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
My friend Del is getting married today.
While I have a shit-ton of things against the institution of marriage as it pertains to me, like not being able to marry a man if I feel in love with one enough and the horror-stories I hear about divorces and the financial ruin it brings to people, I am thrilled for him. He's found someone awesome and the two of them will do well together. At least that's how I feel. I hope for the best for them.
The rehearsal dinner was tonight. I am one of Del's groomsmen and so I had to be walked through the process of where I'm to stand and next to whom in more detail than was probably necessary by a dickface of a priest. Why do I say that about him? Well, see, it's really simple: one of Del's Groomspeople is a woman. The priest looked like you'd punched him in the face when I tried, for the third time, to explain to him that she would be walking arm-in-arm with one of the bridesmaids because, not only had we co-ordinated it by color of tie-matching dress, but it shouldn't be a problem, anyway.
The priest wasn't having it. He kept saying it was unnatural, wrong, projected the worst image to potential children attending the wedding. As he kept saying this I kept imagining my fist smashing his face to a pulp at a staccato pace of punchpunchpunch. I calmly took the priest aside and told him that I was bisexual, Del's brother, the best man, is gay, and that what he was saying was not only offensive but counter-productive to what was going on. I told him he'd better just swallow his thoughts on this and get on with the ceremony. I said this in a tone that I felt implied well that if he didn't, I'd hurt him. It wasn't the kindest thing in the world and I may have willed some metaphysical mean intent behind it but I felt it got the job done. He agreed. The fucker.
The more I think on marriage, the more it perplexes me. I see it as a fine option for many people. I'm often told, though, that I am not really marriage material since I have no practical life goals. I could list a number of my artist friends, male and female, who are happily together with or married to very excellent people. I think what is being suggested by some to me is that I, as a man, ought to be ashamed that I can't financially support a wife.
The best thing that being in my first relationship with a man taught me was that there are no defined roles. The both of us were fairly masculine creatures and we, after being with eachother for a few months, eventually fell into our comfortable positions, neither being definable as anything other than he and I. Perhaps it's a lot to ask but I don't intend to give that up for a heteronormative relationship where I have to be "the man" for no other reason than society tells me to. I don't mean to sound trite but that's how I feel.
If one looks at it reasonably, I will probably end up being the lesser earner in any sort of relationship given my dreams and goals. The fact is, more and more men are becoming that way as women get better jobs with the degrees they get, in terms of heterosexual relationships. So, if I am with a woman or a man who makes more than me, I don't even have to shrug it off. I don't have those burdens and, you know what? a lot of my straight friends who have wives or girlfriends who make more than them don't give a fuck. They are productive and loving members of a relationship and they all make it work. Nothing bad comes of this, despite what traditionalists fear.
Now for politics. Fuck both candidates. I'm so jaded because nothing good happens. I'm an idealist, politically. I'm unashamed of this. I'm aware that a lot of the things I want are tall orders but I hardly give a fuck. I want politicians to start acting like fucking human beings and not beings of swirling selfish darkness. I want college debt to be erased and college to be free like it fucking ought to be. I want gay marriage legalized and weed, too (for how rarely I do it, I still see nothing wrong with it). I want better social programs. I want actually equal rights for women. I want all these entirely sane and beneficial things for my American society and it just isn't likely to happen given either of these fuck faces getting elected.
Obama is better than Romney because he doesn't look like every boss anyone has ever hated, doesn't view people like me as a stain on humanity and doesn't hate women. But he's still not going to get anything done. I hate voting for the lesser of two evils. I might just write in the cat from The Rent is Too Damn High Party (because it is) because he actually says shit I agree with. Even then, though, he won't fucking get elected even if his facial hair is glorious and makes him the mightiest of warriors.
While I have a shit-ton of things against the institution of marriage as it pertains to me, like not being able to marry a man if I feel in love with one enough and the horror-stories I hear about divorces and the financial ruin it brings to people, I am thrilled for him. He's found someone awesome and the two of them will do well together. At least that's how I feel. I hope for the best for them.
The rehearsal dinner was tonight. I am one of Del's groomsmen and so I had to be walked through the process of where I'm to stand and next to whom in more detail than was probably necessary by a dickface of a priest. Why do I say that about him? Well, see, it's really simple: one of Del's Groomspeople is a woman. The priest looked like you'd punched him in the face when I tried, for the third time, to explain to him that she would be walking arm-in-arm with one of the bridesmaids because, not only had we co-ordinated it by color of tie-matching dress, but it shouldn't be a problem, anyway.
The priest wasn't having it. He kept saying it was unnatural, wrong, projected the worst image to potential children attending the wedding. As he kept saying this I kept imagining my fist smashing his face to a pulp at a staccato pace of punchpunchpunch. I calmly took the priest aside and told him that I was bisexual, Del's brother, the best man, is gay, and that what he was saying was not only offensive but counter-productive to what was going on. I told him he'd better just swallow his thoughts on this and get on with the ceremony. I said this in a tone that I felt implied well that if he didn't, I'd hurt him. It wasn't the kindest thing in the world and I may have willed some metaphysical mean intent behind it but I felt it got the job done. He agreed. The fucker.
The more I think on marriage, the more it perplexes me. I see it as a fine option for many people. I'm often told, though, that I am not really marriage material since I have no practical life goals. I could list a number of my artist friends, male and female, who are happily together with or married to very excellent people. I think what is being suggested by some to me is that I, as a man, ought to be ashamed that I can't financially support a wife.
The best thing that being in my first relationship with a man taught me was that there are no defined roles. The both of us were fairly masculine creatures and we, after being with eachother for a few months, eventually fell into our comfortable positions, neither being definable as anything other than he and I. Perhaps it's a lot to ask but I don't intend to give that up for a heteronormative relationship where I have to be "the man" for no other reason than society tells me to. I don't mean to sound trite but that's how I feel.
If one looks at it reasonably, I will probably end up being the lesser earner in any sort of relationship given my dreams and goals. The fact is, more and more men are becoming that way as women get better jobs with the degrees they get, in terms of heterosexual relationships. So, if I am with a woman or a man who makes more than me, I don't even have to shrug it off. I don't have those burdens and, you know what? a lot of my straight friends who have wives or girlfriends who make more than them don't give a fuck. They are productive and loving members of a relationship and they all make it work. Nothing bad comes of this, despite what traditionalists fear.
Now for politics. Fuck both candidates. I'm so jaded because nothing good happens. I'm an idealist, politically. I'm unashamed of this. I'm aware that a lot of the things I want are tall orders but I hardly give a fuck. I want politicians to start acting like fucking human beings and not beings of swirling selfish darkness. I want college debt to be erased and college to be free like it fucking ought to be. I want gay marriage legalized and weed, too (for how rarely I do it, I still see nothing wrong with it). I want better social programs. I want actually equal rights for women. I want all these entirely sane and beneficial things for my American society and it just isn't likely to happen given either of these fuck faces getting elected.
Obama is better than Romney because he doesn't look like every boss anyone has ever hated, doesn't view people like me as a stain on humanity and doesn't hate women. But he's still not going to get anything done. I hate voting for the lesser of two evils. I might just write in the cat from The Rent is Too Damn High Party (because it is) because he actually says shit I agree with. Even then, though, he won't fucking get elected even if his facial hair is glorious and makes him the mightiest of warriors.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-06 12:50 pm (UTC)From:And then found a woman to make out with. Though that could have happened on its own...
Re: politics, I am... so far on the other side of that see-saw. I mean, not with the liberal thing, from everything I can see our beliefs about right and what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-fuckhats seem to be pretty in line. But I'm horrifically cynical. Like... pessimism with a heaping side of mean and heartless. The politics of all of this is shitty, I absolutely agree. Unfortunately, our politics are also the simmering boil on top of much, much deeper social problems. Anyone you elected, however ideal, would be hobbled by the failings of the American people. Which are profound and toxic. God bless. (God, I'm just a bushel of peaches this morning...)
I can say this though. I'm glad you're able to speak as openly and astutely about your own intentions and desires, however popular or normative they may or may not be. Also, thank you for recognizing that all that shit is still problems. Somehow, even people who aren't conservative wingnuts still... miss that. (What the fuck do you mean racism is dead and there is no war on women??).
Keep the faith, man. I think it's all we can do.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 10:42 am (UTC)From:It's exactly this truth that makes me all the more willing to throw my lot in with the creative pursuits of life. At least in chasing those dreams I can find a measure of freedom.
It's easy for people to miss all the problems in this country because it is CONVENIENT to do so. It's such a drag, man, to realize just how shitty things are. It's such a DRAG if you're male to admit that you really need to do your best not just to not be sexist but to be actively NOT sexist. It's such a drag to... take what might amount to moments a day and just practice being a human fucking being.
I can get rather jaded, myself.
If I had had another man to make out with or, you know, take me roughly over the altar at the wedding I might feel better. I would also not turn down a woman doing the same thing. Just saying. As it stands, I got neither.
One of the wedding favors was a lightsaber toy, though. That's a consolation.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 06:08 pm (UTC)From:So here's the real question. Old Republic or Galactic Empire?
no subject
Date: 2012-10-07 09:03 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2012-10-08 02:31 am (UTC)From: